An honest post about traveling.

Today I participated in a traditional cacao ceremony. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and in short, there were tears. Many, many tears. And dammit it was glorious, but more on that later.

You begin by drinking a thick, somewhat gritty, hot chocolate made from the cocao beans, which have been lightly roasted and then ground into a paste.

Good to the last gritty drop

The result is actually incredibly bitter, but it’s acceptable to add heaps of sugar in order to make it drinkable. It then takes about a half hour to kick in. The cacao increases your blood flow by 30 or 40 percent, and the result is a surge of heat, emotion, energy and a mishmash of many other things. These ceremonies are usually 6 hours long, but the one we did today was only 2 hours, as it was a wee bit impromptu. We arranged ourselves in a circle, and began by just talking about the cacao, asking questions, and learning about where the person facilitating the ceremony, Sheree, had learned about the process.

Sheree explaining what’s about to go down

After about forty minutes, we all picked a partner and did an eye gazing excercise. Which is exactly what it sounds like. We sat and stared directly into the eyes of another person for 5 minutes. At first it’s definitely awkward, and you want to laugh because it’s such an unfamiliar experience (even for me as someone who makes a lot of direct eye contact). But then, you settle in. You literally see the reflection of yourself in the cornia of the other person’s eyes. You see the ocean behind you, and the sun on the horizon. You see yourself, sitting perfectly still, gazing at them, knowing they are seeing the exact same thing as they gaze back at you. You usually end up picking only one eye to focus on, because it’s just not possible to look at two separate objects that intently. And then you forget what it is you’re even looking at in the first place. You look at the person as a whole, but as an intricately made machine. You notice their brow furrow ever so slightly as a thought passes through their head. You see the minute movement of their mouth as it flicks upwards periodically, wanting to smile. You see the complex system that is the eyeball itself focusing in, and the backing off. It’s truly incredible to look at another person that closely, in silence, as a group of people sit encircling you, doing the same.

Just before we paired off

Next came the tears. We took tuns spinning a jade crystal, and whomever its point landed on received three minutes of time to speak while the group listened conciousy. We all began our three minutes by sayin “If you really knew me…”  and this of course brought up a tonne of emotion. Some people talked about their fears, some about their strained relationships with their parents, and some about their concerns for the future.

But here’s the interessting thing. In a group of generally blissed out, gypsy-hearted people, not a single one was able to say that their path was definitevly clear. We’re all struggling. Even those of us on these epic trips, filled with great parties, new friends, and cheap rum. Any problems you had before you hit the road are still there somewhere, stuffed inside your hiking pack. You can buy some new shit, and cram your problems down into the bottom of your bag, but in reality, whenever you’re ready to unpack they’ll tumble out with the rest of your dirty laundry. And it seemed like now, in that moment, we were all finally able to be honest about it.

Before I left on this trip, a good friend of mine wished me luck, and said “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” I was taken aback a little bit by that, because it hadn’t occured to me that something was missing in the first place. But I think that most of us are definitely searching for something: for our lives to have meaning. We are INCREDIBLY privileged to be able to travel in the first place. The grass isn’t always greener, don’t get me wrong. But there is not a person on earth who doesn’t have room in their life for evolution, change and growth, nor a person who should ever stop searching for those vital aspects of life. I think they are a huge part of the equation. And it’s just the nature of the journey that the road be a bumpy one. Complete with pot holes, giant mother fucking hills, and wash outs along the way. But that’s totally okay, because if the ceremony today taught me anything, it’s that we’re all walking down that same arduous path. And although we might ultimately be alone, it’s not a lost kind of alone. Because along the way, we will always meet up with exactly the right people, at exactly the right time, in exactly the right place.

Yes, traveling is the dream for a lot of people. But its not the expressway to lifelong happiness, to fullfillment, to contentment. It’s a vessle on that road. One that we’re all in together. And so what if we don’t know where the road ends up. I’m pretty sure the destination truly isn’t the point.

And maybe that’s all we’ll ever need to know.

Cacao is best consumed in the late afternoon rays 😉

Cheers, bish